On the Smallville time of year finis – “ Salvation ” – the messiah metaphors were moan - worthy , the natural action was gee - whiz , one star ’s look was blown off , and there was a slew of spandex - clad set - up for next time of year . despoiler on !
The episode open up in Metropolis 2013 , and everything is Technicolor fantastic . Lois is an star newsman at the Daily Planet ( who depend exactly like Sarah Palin ) . Lex Luthor is run for president . A biplane is about to doss down into The Daily Planet , but a spectacled Clark Kent has just enough time to change into his romper suit and divert the crisis . By flee , no less ! This looks like it could be a jazzy episode , fill with some milquetoast power - punk variation of “ Can You Read My idea ” –
Oh wait , it was all a ambition ! Clark was just taking a top executive nap . Does Superman actually postulate to kip ? Or does he just need a couple minutes under a Seasonal Affect Disorder lamp ? But I digress . Ma Kent has left Clark a package – it ’s his very own Superman romper suit suit ! We see the reflection of the cause beam in his centre , Kryptonians have improbably reflective corneas . It ’s a little known power .
So the Watchtower gang is getting quick for the Kandorian war , and the Kandorians are having a merry time carving the Kryptonian symbol into Earth ’s monument . Chloe ’s gang is oiling up their Kryptonite bazookas ( presumptively ) and teleconferencing with the Justice Society . Star Girl looks particularly upset – she ’s wearing a giant glob of down in the mouth bubble gum on her boldness . Hawkman want to tromp off and smash some Kandorians with his Nth Metal bedpost , but Clark extend to utilize the Book of Rao to exile the Kandorians to – to quote Chloe – “ Kryptonian Nirvana . ” Chloe believes that Jor - El ’s breeding – bizarre sex lessons included – have led up to this point . Clark must unite Zod and his brethren in the giant 2 - D mirror diamond in the sky .
Chloe get deplorably little to do in this episode , but what about her less scrupulous compeer , Ms. Tess Mercer ? Tess has been thrown through the wringer with all the Checkmate wheeling and dealing , so she understandably has some pent - up rage . Tess redeems all of her sliminess by throttle Zod with Kryptonite knuckledusters at Clark ’s fortress ( Zod had been doing some remodeling a.k.a . smashing Jor - El ) . shell someone with Kryptonite punching implements always lighten up a narrative – look what it did for The Dark Knight Returns !
In the thick of Tess ’ epic beatdown , Zod top executive up under an errant sunbeam and torches half of Tess ’ face off . Tess dies , but not before informing Clark that there ’s another Kryptonian cabinet to activate hidden in Clark ’s crow ’s nest . Upon Tess ’ destruction , an puzzling babushka woman hail into her room . It does n’t look like Ms. Mercer is going anywhere – I ’m guessing she ’ll be making a resurrection by supernatural means .
talk of deep foes , Ollie is ambushed by a gang of unseen assailants as he set about to hook Chloe ’s satellite back online after the Kryptonian ravishment . Over a walkie - talkie , Ollie imparts two important thing to Chloe – his attackers are n’t Kandorian and that he loves Chloe . Chloe cough up an incredulous “ I bang you ” as Ollie ’s overwhelmed . Just when she find a skillful male child too !
As for the Lois and Clark drama that has metastasized over late episodes , yeesh . Zod reveals himself to Lois blah - blah - rant she ’s doubtful that he ’s the Blur yeah - yeah - yeah Clark vacillate about telling Lois his actual indistinguishability if he goes off to the Kryptonian party property ( but Lois yoinks the Book of Rao from him when he comes over to cop one last feel in the Kent ’s barn ) boo - hoo - hoo Zod tries to slip the Book of Rao from Lois ( but Clark saves her ) siss - boom - bah Lois and Clark ( as the Blur ) share one last candy kiss stoop - chicka - bow - wow Lois say “ Clark ” as their lips debark .
Does Lois screw Clark ’s identity ? have me . No offense to the lovely Erica Durance , but I kind of care Lois was shanghaied to the Phantom ( Discovery ) Zone just so we can shuck off the onerous “ Mrs. Doubtfire - but - a - superhero ” shenanigans . permit ’s see Clark chase some intergalactic vixens . Bring in Maxima . Heck , he made a porno with Big Barda in the comics .
Back at the Corvus ’s nest , Clark confronts Zod and his band of Space Nazis – severely , all the Kandorians are rocking scarlet Sieg Heil armbands – and secern them that Zod is responsible for Faora ’s death . Zod rustling to Clark , “ Faora was a double-crosser . Do you consider I wanted to kill my own tiddler ? ” All the Kandorians hear this , as they all have ace - earshot . A satisfying glob of this episode showcased haughty bastards pee-pee rookie misunderstanding ( see : Tess grant Zod to crawl into a sunray ) . Clark does n’t have a personality , so he ca n’t become frame in the tendril of his own hubris .
The Kandorians concord to go to the Kryptonian paradise view unseen – this is a questionable option on their part , but it gets the smotheringly dull Kandorian subplot off the table , so advantage audience . As the Book of Rao beam of light the Kandorians up to Gumdrop Mountain , Zod root for out a depowering blue Kryptonite dagger to have off the Party Ray ! Clark and Zod tussle with the screaming cerulean tongue for a while – after all , Zod would rather fall apart Lois ’ oral sex as a lid than be imprisoned in the Perpetual Birthday Party Universe – until Clark impales himself on the sticker and fall off the crow ’s nest with it . The Party Beam happen Zod , and Clark plummets off the building in a Jesus Christ dumbfound in a metaphor so uproariously hamfisted it ’s awful . axial rotation credits .
Smallville is not high art – it ’s a Superman soap opera with some canny special effects . But its more cheestastic moments are a blessing and keep things rattling . Clark ’s savior pose ? The last minute , left - field MacGuffin that is the Book of Rao ? The requirement that – at least once per episode – a eccentric must exchange out to the Kent farm to rationalize the name Smallville ? All of these foible are so wonderfully Smallville , and I recall the show is best when it embraces its crazy . The show drags when it assumes the trappings of other genres ( see : Checkmate , Clark and Lois ’ Three ’s Company domestic foibles ) . Next season appears to have more monster and creepy crocheting crones . Bring in Mister Mxyzptlk ( the real one , not theexchange bookman ) , and you ’ll have the next Twin Peaks .
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